I chose to self-honor on my 7th day of sobriety. I was feeling pretty good physically, with the detox behind me (I hope), and wanted to go to Costco and Best Buy. I did NOT want to do the mirror exercise.
I did think about having a drink, but quickly let it pass. I was more worried about this Mirror exercise. Such resistence.
What came up for me was I could easily stare into my eyes and not feel ANYTHING. I could have done that for 10 minutes, easily. I decided that was not the point...(and certainly something I was good at - not feeling), so I immediately went into negative talk...my body was impure (all the booze, tar, fat), worthy issues, was my success in life due in large part to Jeff or was I somehow responsible for some or most of it? I maintained a tight grip on my tears, as I didn't want them to distract from my thoughts, but then I thought I was fighting feeling....so I let the tears flow. Feeling worthless, like a failure and scared.
Hmmm, I wonder if these are the things that I was avoiding by drinking excessively for the last several months? I think so....
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