I was explaining to Janet that I have taken my own medication therapy into my own hands. I have been on antianxiety drugs for many many years, as well as antidepressants. At the end of April, when the settlement with Jeff was finalized I slowly stopped taking both, and started taking up binge drinking instead (it was easier to blend in). So here I am self-treating...and look where I am today. I started back up on my antianxiety meds on Monday and ramped up to 50% yesterday will hit 75% today. I will also start taking my antidepressants today as well.
Yesterday was a good day in the beginning when I was "doing" stuff - and then when it was time to be alone and with myself, it sucked. I "got" to be with me, and that's been a first since realizing I was single and no longer under the same roof as Jeff...I was not a fan of the emotions I was feeling and I didn't know what to do with myself. Not that I don't have things to do around here (like finish unpacking), but I didn't feel like doing anything but watch tv, cuz I certainly didn't want to unpack, meditate, pray, or DO THE MIRROR EXERCISE (yet)! Turned to the TV to numb and not think. (hmmmm, I should work at a flea market - I can trade anything for anything!).
Today will be a great day and I choose JOY and Sobriety and productivity and that damn Mirror Exercise (puke).
Love ya all - and thanks so much for the calls and texts and emails of support - that means a lot to me!
connected, open, surrendered
S. Michael Edwards
Michael you have really taken on the concept of "open" and it is changing your life every moment of the day whether you acknowledge it or not - you are shifting to the place in life that you have always desired to be.
ReplyDeleteI love you and its an honor to take part in your journey.
Confident, Magnetic, Ingenious and Serene Celeste!!!
I was honored to talk with you yesterday and know that support is here and if you think you might be bothering me, don't!!! Reaching out is a sign of strength, let me and us support you. Love you and I can see you have already slain this dragon!!!! of addiction.
ReplyDeleteGentle, precious, prosperous and dreamy BEn